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3/25/2008 The Grand Slam Of Jokes(Truly Blonde, Politically Incorrect, Religiously Insensitive And Just A Generally Offensive Joke)
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Blondes," and he banished her to hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Booboo," and he banished her to hell. The third blonde said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder. St. Peter said, "Verrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St Peter fainted. 2/24/2008 Got Milk?
In the UK, they not only know that milk does the body good, but they know great commercials equal big bucks! This is just alittle something I stole from bones777 while visiting his blog. I thought this commercial might bring a smile to your face this beautiful Sunday morning and make you want to give your bones a boost with a quick shot of milk! I'll drink to that!
2/3/2008 Proper Conference Call ProtocolI'll never look at conference calls quite the same after viewing this. I think the next one I have, I'll try doing something like this and see what kind of reaction I get from my co-workers. The blog entry and video clip below was borrowed from The Bis Key Chronicles titled Microsoft Conference Call
1/19/2008 Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?For ages this mystifying question has remained unanswered. Now, not only do we discover the answer is merely a matter of perspective, but we also get a rare glimpse into the psyche of each person who dared to follow the chicken across the road in order to boldly go where no man has gone before..
DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems. OPRAH : Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun? AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. AL GORE : AL SHARPTON :
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot. ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? 7/12/2006 Beware Of The Telltale CuckooAfter dealing with insurance companies and hospital business offices all day, this joke made its way to my desk just in the nick of time when I was in dire need of some comic relief! Thank God, I work with a great group of people. They really make going to work a pleasure!
6/10/2006 Good VibrationsI could tell my mother was feeling better when she started ranting about my brother and his wife driving from Maine to Florida on his Harley. My mother is from the old school where camping out includes room service, the man always initiates the action and nice girls don't give head. Listening to her talk about her "wild days" is hilarious because it makes me realize just what the sexual revolution did for the world... that is, besides increase the spread of STD's and increase the number of unwed mothers in the world. My mother went on and on about their road trip with the highpoint of her whole rant being a vivid description of the condition their asses would be in after driving that far. I listened intently and just as I was about to add my two cents worth, I decided against it. I told her that I was going to behave myself. She looked at me in utter disbelief and asked when exactly had I ever behaved myself.
GOOD POINT, MOTHER!
I simply enlightened her that riding on a Harley was like having a 600-pound vibrator between your legs and that I didn't believe my brother's wife would mind that long drive at all...
ZOOM... ZOOM... ZOOM... 2/9/2006 Love Is Being Politically CorrectAs Valentine's Day approaches, I went in search of some inspirational words about love. My quest, as always got sidetracked (imagine that), but I didn't come back empty-handed. Alas, I may not have found the true meaning of love, but what I did find was the perfect gift to give the man who has everything. And like everything else in this era we live in, EVERYTHING must be politically correct or else someone somewhere gets offended. Far be it for me to ever offend anyone by being poltically incorrect...
Ladies, give the gift that keeps on giving...
What man wouldn't wanted a pair of vagina squirrels to call his very own?
1/27/2005 Another Fine Mess I've Gotten Myself IntoWhat a revolting development and one in which I find myself very much involved! Hmmmmmmmm! How did that happen I wonder? Ha! Regarding "Congratulations Revisited" on Abnormally Normal People: JP, of Geek Heaven writes:
Hayden writes:
Bringing the whole discussion over to Paradise Cove, JP writes:
Hayden writes:
Back to Abnormally Normal People, JP writes:
All I can say are two things: 1. This smells like a conspiracy. 2. I'm thankful Jnuts was not involved in this anywhere. |
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